The night I thought I’d reached my expiry date

This could be any of a milion and one nights…..just ask the brother and one of the Aunt-Doctors who have received ….dare I say willingly(? (-_-))…..my calls in the wee hours of the morning when a panic attack was taking a stranglehold. Thankfully, those are behind me (I think!!) and it is probably for that reason, why I remained calm, even as a headache rocked me for 3 days.

It started at work. Actually, it started with me having a cup of Instant Coffee at work one Wednesday. Back in 2008, I had converted to brewed coffee. What a blessed day that was, although the shock of the caffeine that first time had made me feel I was going to take off like a rocket at first. So it is very rare now, for me to drink anything but brewed coffee. After that Instant cuppa Wednesday, I felt tinglings in my head. Added to that, I had changed the desk I sat at and the height of the chair at the desk didn’t seem to agree with my neck. Slowly, I felt the pain creep up.

I wouldn’t describe it as the worst headache, but it WAS pretty bad. That’s what I said to my other Aunt-Doctor when I WhatsApped the Friday to tell her that I was having a headache for 3 days and wanted to find out which tablet to take. The Panadol extra fuerte had not done the trick so she told me to buy Advil Cold and Sinus which has ibuprofen

Of course I Googled “aneurysm.” It said nausea was a symptom. What better way to test if I was having nausea than to buy KFC :).

Finger licking good!

Finger licking good!

I got a three-piece combo with fries and biscuit. I was feeling kind so I bought for a colleague. I was thinking about the last act I would have been described doing. “And you know….she bought me KFC that night.”  I offered her a ride into town as well. I woulda done that anyway. We went looking for a pharmacy. None open in town, so had to drive all the way back to Grand Anse (ok, I live on a small island, it’s not THAT far). Grateful for Mitchell’s Pharmacy’s 9 p.m. closing time.  By the time I got home, two of the three pieces of  chicken were gone. I don’t normally eat in the car, not messy food like chicken. The excuse was that I needed to coat my stomach to handle the ibuprofen.

No nausea. Yay!

I don’t normally get headaches, though when I do, it’s bad. One time over 20 years ago, I remember I had to go and pick up my niece from nursery school and I felt like my head was going to explode.  I drove straight to University of the West, put her sit down somewhere while the very good looking young doctor examined me. Got prescription for Tonopan or some such medicine.

I felt the Advil starting to work as I vegged out on the couch. Originally I was planning to come home and do work but then I thought “If I’m going to expire tonight, then it really wouldn’t matter if I did not send in the bi-weekly report.” Finished the 3rd piece of chicken, stretched out more on the couch and wondered how to pass the time. The word “binge watching” came on in an ad. Then I recalled Jane The Virgin Season 3 was on Netflix.   Messaged my boss to say that if he didn’t hear from me tomorrow Saturday,  to make sure and call me…..not that he knew where I lived 🤔🤔

When I have these moments, I start thinking that if I were to expire, I would hope that the life that I have lived was positive and had an impact on people in the way that I would have wanted it. A good friend of our family, now deceased, used to say “live your life in a way that your funeral doesn’t flop.” 😃

So, as I thought about whether I would expire that night, there wasn’t the proverbial light flashing before my eyes, but I did notice that I went back to thinking “it was a great time when I did that, lovely experience when I did that.” That’s why journals are so important so you can go back and look.

That night, I kept flashing back to 2003 – 2005 when I worked little and played a lot and I was really really happy. I thought to myself that I have to make some plans to try and get back to that space again, before I expire.

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