The next decade....what's in store?
Musings of a yamfooted traveller still trying to shake off those last 20 pounds as she treks across the Caribbean
What's wrong with me? I've found that approaching 40 and more recently since I turned 40, I find myself more and more wondering if I made the right decision not to have children.
It was a very conscious decision. It wasn't that because I didn't get married, I didn't have any because, cuss me or not, I don't think that one has to be married to have a child so I was never constricted by that thinking.
I just never saw myself having kids. Heck....I never saw myself having sex! I remember a conversation with a friend when I was about in 4th or 5th form, and I've probably told it here before. We were having lunch and the talk turned to contraceptives. I declared that I was not ever going to use them. Even from that age, the thought of altering normal inbuilt bodily functions didn't find favour with me.
My friend said 'so what are you going to do about preventing numberous pregnancies if you get married?' I replied that I would onlly have sex when I wanted a kid! And I was serious! I thought back then that sex was only for conception, not for enjoyment. I've since learnt differently.
What triggered this latest pondering is that I recently met a teenager who was so sociable, well mannered, humourous, well adjusted, polite, and articulate. I thought to myself that I could have turned out a kid like that.
Who knows....maybe there is still time. But that would require a change in lifestyle and I'm kind of selfish that way I find. But I keep wondering if when I reach 70...sorry, that should have been if....and I have to be calling up my niece and nephew for company or to take me to the supermarket, that I will deeply regret it.
I see that Geena Davis had twins at 50. I'm only 40.5. Maybe I should look for some eggs, what you think? But then, it's like me not having a desire to buy a house because then I'd have to HAVE to have a steady job. If I have a kid, I'd have to be RESPONSIBLE.
I also think that if I have a kid at this age, I might as well just cut off the two breasts after I done breastfeeding. Lawks.
But you never can tell. Maybe a man with whom I think I want to have a kid is just around the corner, and he'll be financially secure so I wouldn't have to worry. And remember, if he loves Ackee & Saltfish, he wouldn't leave so financially, the family would be secure.
Better start downing my antioxidants now!
Posted by yamfoot at April 1, 2007 12:28 PMyou've still got time if you really want to do it.
Posted by: jdid at April 1, 2007 11:20 PMI know someone who just had her first (albeit a bit of surprise) at 45! So, as JDid said, you still have time. There are many women who now put of having children until they are 'more mature'..... (note I did not say older! ;-)
Posted by: Dr. D. at April 2, 2007 02:33 PMThis comment is for your post about cooking. For some strange reason, I can't get that comment box to open....may be suppem with my compi....who knows?
Would love to try out any of your dishes, except the ackee and saltfish...I will have the saltfish seasoned up happily....just no ackee!
And BTW, I am sure that with your experience in the hospitality circles you would be able to present a well cooked and tasty meal in a way that is very pleasing to the eyes and not only the palate, with not too much effort! :-)
See how me bigging you up. (Waiting to hear about the offical opening of Yamfoot's Bistro and Bar.....Caribbean Cuisine with an island difference!)
Posted by: Dr. D. at April 2, 2007 02:41 PMMay the Force be with you.
Posted by: Galliwasp - I eat Malaria mosquito babies at April 2, 2007 05:56 PMIt might happen as well as it might not. Only you will know when you're ready. If I had had my children sooner than I did, I would probably be walking and talking to myself naked in New Kgn now. Don't sweat it mon, it's a MAJOR responsibility!
Nuff Love
Posted by: karen at April 2, 2007 06:13 PMI, too, wonder if my time is running out fast. But I am happy to remain childless myself and live vicariously through my friends who have children. That way, when I am not in the mood to be very responsible, I can indulge and still live with myself. And if the clock stops ticking before I get a chance to "breed" - I can always consider adopting, or get with a man who already has children. I think I could handle those situations, even if they come with some complications.
Posted by: Carol Lazarus at April 3, 2007 08:43 AMewww....pickney ting is hard work. I just spent a weekend with the nephew and while the company is great, it's a huge adjustment. There are also so many facets of their life that require constant work that it could be a bit overwhelming. Still, "all in all" (as Robert Samuels would say) one has the opportunity to get bite-sized snippets of the experience from the niece and nephew. They're as good as ours, so maybe that's the perfect deal. And yes, you can give them back when you need your break :-), wonderful as they are!!
Posted by: Patch at April 3, 2007 12:13 PMActually to add to whats been said and confirm yep this children business is hard hard work. can be frustrating too. and expensive oh gosh dont talk bout expensive!
actually i think i soon sell my pickney. ya want to buy him? i give you good price :-)
Posted by: jdid at April 4, 2007 11:29 AMI am fairly young and I have no real plans to have children. So far I've been quite comfortable being the uncle character.
For one thing, I believe that children, just like marriage or even sex are all, for the most part, choices. I guess some people just assume that we must choose to do these things without realising that there is an option not to, or even to delay. I say this because I believe that some of us simply aren't fit to be effective parents and shouldn't just run and do it because everybody, their granny and their dog is doing it.
An aside: I just realised that you ol... I mean mature enough to be my mother. Maybe you could adopt me and try out the kid thing for size for a few. :D
Posted by: b.art at April 5, 2007 10:44 AMMich, you've stirred up an ants' nest in my head. After giving the matter more thought, I think I'm actually ready to have a child. Am now wondering how to go about getting a suitable sperm donor...
Posted by: Carol Lazarus at April 8, 2007 07:07 AMOh Lord Yammy! I knew I'd enjoy sex from before we even 'met' :) And being an only child I've always wanted chillun - ideally about 4 - it's too late for 4 now, so looking for a man with who I can have just one.
Posted by: Gela at April 14, 2007 09:18 AM